Ain't no way you lose!

Spoken like a woman! So this is for you...

When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always - Rita Rudner.

And one for you HB ....

When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out. - Elizabeth Bowen

Feelings can be heavenly.

What for you is the quintessential of love?

I didn't see that right off. You're right. Perceptive...

Made me notice that he also advises marriage. Also a sign of a different time. Don't see that kind of pro-marriage slant these days much.

Do you think feelings can come back into a marriage if they are gone?

I have noticed that most judge love in a relationship on how they "feel" at the time.... and on how the other one "acts"....

And when we judge ourselves on our own actions it is usually in terms of our best intentions. Rose-coloured glasses that we do not use when assessing a partner in an unhappy partnership. Causes much frustration and heartache for the one targeted.

We all seek to be understood. It takes time and effort to locate the heart of another and not just jump to conclusions. An easy trap to fall into when unhappy with something.... especially if it is not a new issue. But it cuts no slack and is unloving... and only love and patience brings change....... lots of love and patience. A walk of love toward the partner. If we refuse to do this we do not have God's help.... walking in direct disobedience to the command to love.

Tough call. But easier than partner bashing for years. God gives the grace when we make the commitment.

Partner bashing = condemnation -> despair -> death to relationship

Allegra wrote:

As long as no serious warps.

What would you count as serious warps?

QUO VADIS? wrote:

And when we judge ourselves on our own actions it is usually in terms of our best intentions. Rose-coloured glasses that we do not use when assessing a partner in an unhappy partnership. Causes much frustration and heartache for the one targeted.

No way out of that box. Don't want you out.

+1 HB

Satan is called the Accuser of the brethren. I think it is in Romans somewhere where it says... love leads to repentance... condemnation leads to despair. When I am condemned I want to give up... not keep trying.

What if already married?

Welcome Kim Good to have you onboard.

Interesting question. I believe Allegra is speaking more of relationship deal-breakers before marriage. I whole-heartedly agree with her list.

Only deal-breaker for marriage that I have ever seen in the Word is the act of adultery. Quite a number of decisions are taken before this stage .... and it is considered by the Lord to be a break in covenant .... because each sexual relationship is an act of covenant. If I remember correctly ..... to go from one sexual partner to another and then back to an original partner is considered an abomination in the OT. God does not want this for a union in marriage. I will have to see if I can find the verse.

We are called to peace. If a relationship is seriously abusive, then separation would not be unscriptural, I believe. This gives time and space for relief of the abused and counsel, and in very serious cases for protection. The Lord does not condone abusive behaviour and it is important that well-qualified and trusted authority in the Church be notified. Please note... qualified and trusted. More harm than good can be done by well-meaning but ill-qualified counsel.

Here is the verse in the AMP :

Deut 24:4 Then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife after she is defiled. For that is an abomination before the Lord; and you shall not bring guilt upon the land which the Lord your God gives you as an inheritance.

So I understand that returning to a marriage after adultery is an abomination in the OT. In the NT there is grace and forgiveness .... but is still a very serious matter in the eyes of the Lord, I believe ..... and He gives it as reason for divorce because covenant is broken. Some have chosen to stay with a partner after they committed adultery and work it out, but is a really tough call I would think. However, it can be done and has been done successfully. I have heard some testify to it.

Marriage is a serious commitment and not ever to be entered lightly. I also believe that marriage is blessed of the Lord and He gives grace to those who commit in marriage. Sometimes it can be really tough working through the "grinding" as Allegra put it... but no relationship will give as much reward as a marriage that successfully negotiates these stormy waters.

Thanks. And for the welcome.